I did not write much in 2020, but I thought it worth looking back over, so here it goes. *I did start this post a month ago, but…babies :)*
The year started quietly, and then a month in we got a big surprise – a second pregnancy! Evie was only 8 months old when we found out. Her birth was such a miracle I really wasn’t expecting to get pregnant again, especially since we decided we weren’t going to pursue fertility treatment again. But God is good. He knew our desires for Evie to have a sibling and He graciously granted them. Steve & I went out on a date in Philly at the end of February while friends watched Evie for us. It was fun to revisit some of our memories from our fifth date when Steve took me into the city for the first time.
And then March…I don’t need to tell you what March brought. Mid March Steve started working from home (and still is). It has been nice having him around, eating lunch with us most days, and taking short breaks to play or just say hi. He did all the shopping the first few months, not wanting me to go out while pregnant. The most I did was drive to Target and open my trunk so they could put my purchases in. I started, with so many others, to make masks for my family, friends, and even some neighbors.
We had a gender reveal via a livestream on Facebook where everyone found out we were having a girl (we had to stick with tradition). Facebook was also where we went for church and music concerts. So much life lived watching a screen.
It seems like so much has been lost and mourned since then. We thought it would be over by late spring. It was a while before I came to accept that Evie would not get the first birthday party I had been planning since before she was born. The biggest part of that was knowing my parents wouldn’t be coming out to visit. We hadn’t seen them since our family vacation in August, and I was missing them.
It was sometime in spring that Steve & I started watching the show Zoe’s Extraordinary Playlist (if you haven’t seen it – watch it! It’s amazing! I think it’s probably on Peacock; it’s an NBC show). A big part of the show is Zoe’s relationship with her dad. So many episodes had me bawling by the end because I was so missing mine (still worth the watch). So thankful for Steve who comforted his emotional pregnant wife. He let me be sad about the things I had good reason to be sad about, even when they came back after I thought I was over them.
Summer brought new hope along with plenty of sunshine. We started having church outside in the parking lot. There has never been a summer in my 38 years when my feet have gotten such distinct flip flop tan lines 😆 I don’t think it was the first week, but it was soon after we started that one of my friends and I were chatting afterward when she said, “Can I give you a hug?” I had not gotten a hug from anyone besides my husband in the previous 3 months (at least). It was an amazing hug, and yes, some tears fell then too.
We relaxed a little over the summer. Evie had her first pool experiences, and loved it by the third time. Steve took some much needed days off from work and we spent some time at the beach and visiting friends. We spent a lot of time outside (while also relishing the air conditioning inside). Things seemed almost “normal.”
Sometime towards the end of summer I had a conversation with my sister. We talked about the possibility of my parents coming out when the baby was born. It was still up in the air. “I might be able to handle them not coming out if I knew we’d be able to go to Michigan for Christmas,” I told her. We had been planning this since the Christmas before and now that there’d be a new baby to bring and my oldest sister and her family just moved back to Michigan we were excited to see everyone at once. She said it would depend on how things were going here and there. Surely, I thought, things would be better by then.
August & September came and went with no baby being born. I was certain she would be early because her sister was just over 3 weeks early. My mom told me they wouldn’t be making the trip out. We found out that a dear friend was pregnant with not one but three sweet miracles; two girls and one boy. Sorrow & joy intermingled.
October came and two dear friends and I were going to have a last hurrah, a girls’ movie night that first Saturday…they ended up staying with Evie and waiting for Steve’s mom to arrive because that was when little girl decided she was on her way.
Labor was quick; we got to the hospital around 8:30pm and Lucy was born just after 11:30pm. She was so ready, in fact, that she came out the minute after my water broke (while I was still on a birthing ball!). It was a crazy couple minutes, but all was well. I got to cut her cord as Steve was supporting me from behind and didn’t have a free hand. Lucy Nicole is named Lucy after the literary character from C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardobe (Lewis is a favorite author of ours) and Nicole after my maternal grandfather, Zenon Nicholas. She was born in a whirlwind and it continued the next day when she was rushed out of our room in a flurry of nurses after we called saying she was crying and purple. Having been born so quickly, her lungs and blood vessels didn’t have enough time to properly expand and her oxygen levels weren’t stable. She spent 2 days in the NICU and we took her home the day after I was discharged. It was an emotional time to say the least.
Another good friend who was pregnant actually went into labor the same time I did but her little girl was born 2 days later. We were thrilled to have daughters who could be birthday buddies. A week or so after Lucy was born we received some devastating news. Our friend who was pregnant with triplets had lost both of the girls. I cried, heartbroken, as I held my baby girl, confused between wanting to rejoice in her birth and mourning the loss of the ones they would not get to raise.
My mom told me we shouldn’t come for Christmas, to keep everyone safe. I respected that decision, but mourned that loss as well (stop crying, Mumsie). We started going to church inside (with masks and safe social distancing). We adjusted to being a family of 4 (though that adjustment time is still ongoing).
November came with not much change; with the exception of positive Covid tests for Steve and I right before Thanksgiving. Thankfully, we both had mild cases; Steve’s being worse than mine. We were cared for by family and friends bringing groceries and dinners and we made it through.
December came and a sweet little boy was born with his two sisters already waiting in Heaven where they’ll meet their mama and daddy one day. And there was Christmas, and while it was different from any other, we still enjoyed celebrating the birth of our Savior. Evie opened a different Christmas story each night (which I thought would prepare her for the presents come Christmas Eve & morning…nope). Christmas Eve there was too much fun to be had running around MomMom & Poppy’s house for Evie to sit to unwrap presents, not to mention a cousin to play with! Christmas Day we spent on our own as family. We stayed in jammies all day and still ordered our traditional Chinese food for dinner.
The last year did not go at all as I expected. That goes for everyone, I’m sure. Around the entire world people had jobs change due to circumstances, some gained new employment, while others lost theirs. And God is still good. Babies were born and babies were lost. And God is still good. Political differences have divided people more than bring them together. And God is still good. Time with family & friends has been lost, but in some circumstances it has been gained. And God is still good. Lives have been lost and lives have been gained by the preaching of the Gospel. And God is still good. There has been much joy and there has been much sorrow. And God is still so so good.
Looking back on this past year has just highlighted the Lord’s faithfulness in my life and in the lives of those around me. I pray you might take some time and see if you can’t notice the same.
Love & Blessings,
KJ
These Delight Filled Days 