Thankfulness: Day 8

Since yesterday I’ve had the hymn “Sweet Hour of Prayer” stuck in my head. I found it ironic, because if I were to add up my prayer time for the month so far, I might get up to 30 minutes.

This has been something I’ve been struggling with for some time; finding taking the time to spend with my God. To cry out to Him. To call upon His strength. To repent and ask His forgiveness. To praise Him for His many blessings.

And then this songs pops into my head. And I suggest it as one we use to open our LifeGroup tonight. It reminds me that I can leave it all with Him. All my worries, sorrows, pain. And I can find rest there.

So today I am thankful for two things: these songs that were written to remind us of Truth when we’ve forgotten; and a God Who is always ready to listen when we come to Him.

Oh that I would remember that daily and put it into practice. I hope you’re able to do the same.

Love & Blessings,



Thankfulness: Day 4

Today I am thankful for the community of faith where the Lord has placed me. I have not been a part of this church for very long (a couple years), but this family is one I am ever grateful for; a place I can go to be renewed by the Word and worship the Lord.

Here I find likeminded people who aren’t just a part of a Sunday morning tradition, but are part of my life. We stay connected through the week, encourage each other, speak truth to each other, mourn & rejoice with each other.

There is a reason we are instructed to gather regularly as the Body of Christ; this whole being set apart from the word thing isn’t easy on ones own. But with Brothers & Sister by your side, to remind you of the Lord’s promises when you’ve forgotten or to tell you, in love, the sin they see present in your life when your eyes are closed to it, it’s definitely more manageable.

I cannot fully put into words the great effect my various church families have had on my life; from helping grow my faith and teaching God’s Word, to countless discussions on salvation, singleness, infertility and prayer upon prayer. By the grace of God, these people have been used by Him to draw me deeper to Himself and there isn’t gratitude enough in my heart to say just what it means. I only hope that I never turn from opportunities the Lord puts in front of me to do the same.

Have you such a community, friends? I pray you do. And if not, I pray for wisdom and guidance that you may find one.

Love & Blessings,


Thankfulness: Day 2

Today I’m thankful for days like this; the last warm ones before fall and winter completely take hold. Ones where I can take the kiddos outside without jackets and they can run and play for however long they want (or, more often than not, until their mama comes to pick them up and take them home).

This was our afternoon, a good one after a long day of grocery shopping, lunch, napping for the little one, and a little tv watching for the one a little too big for naps.

Whatever the weather where you are, I hope there’s a bit of it you can enjoy; a bit that reveals the Maker to you, the beauty of His creation, and His goodness.

Love & Blessings,


Encouragement for today

I was knitting as we waited for our appointment with the fertility doctor this morning. Soft music played in the background. The door to the office was closed as was the window into the reception desk. This did not hinder me from receiving encouragement in a way I hadn’t thought of before.

One of the receptionists was making phone calls. From behind the glass I didn’t hear any real details, but I did hear “congratulations!”. My heart swelled for the ones getting the news. Only for a moment did my heart ache for the day I might be on the other end of that call.

At least twice more I heard similar conversations, and thanked God for the new life He had allowed to be conceived in a way that was probably not expected. Like having heard so many times about friends who had met their spouses through online dating, this gave me hope that He may allow these means to work for us as well, to bring children into our family.

If I have learned anything in my past 5 years, it’s that God uses whatever means He sees fit. Starting down roads, we don’t know if what we desire will be at the end of it, or if there will be a turn we have to take. But as long as we’re following Him, it’s all good. Singleness, infertility, and a million other things I would never wish upon anyone; the Lord uses them in our lives for our good and to bring Himself glory. And so I will praise Him, whether I get what I want, or not.

I pray you will be able to do the same; to still praise the One who gives us grace upon grace, new mercies every morning, and life everlasting. No matter what this world brings. No matter if our prayers are answered in the way we hoped for or not. Even if it’s through tears and sorrow (which it often has been for me, as of late), may we be able to say, “Above all else, Thy will be done,” knowing that the Father of all knows what is best for His children.

Love & Blessings



Lost in the weariness of another day

Another disappointment

Another “not yet”

My soul longs to soar

As if it had eagle wings

But the weariness clings

And keeps me stuck in this muck

This mire weighs me down

Keeps me where I have no desire to be

If I had a torch, I would burn it away

If I had a hose, I’d wash myself clean

Free me, O Lord, from the weight of sorrow

Show me, O God, that there is an end

Bear with me, Savior, that I might carry on

Wait with me, Maker, for on my own doubt overcomes me

Strengthen me, Father, that I might endure

Teach me, O Spirit, that You are always good

Yet from this weariness may new life spring

May I be renewed in Your joy, unceasing

May I be aware of Your love, everlasting

May I be reminded of Your promises, faithful & true

May this weariness never keep me from You

Ever Present, Newly Discovered

Yesterday morning was one I was excited to wake up to; which is probably why I was awake at 4:30. I made myself stay in bed and try to get more sleep until 5, when I just couldn’t take it anymore. It was day 29, and for almost a year my period had faithfully come on day 27. There had been an egg in the right spot this time around and I was so hopeful. I found that magical stick that could reveal in just a few minutes if you are growing a baby or not. It sometimes lies, though, so when it told me I wasn’t I thought, “Maybe I just didn’t wait long enough,” and went back to bed.

It didn’t lie, though, as I found out when I woke up again. I didn’t want to believe it. I tried to convince myself that this was different somehow. I even called the doctor’s office to talk to someone about it, to see what I could do. Of course, by the time they called back the truth of reality had already hit me like a brick. It was not to be.

For a little bit I was angry. All I could think was that this was all some sick joke. Then I was just sad, somewhat defeated, and in a whole lot of pain, because with me, menstrual cramps are no joke. I did not want to do anything. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear.

My typical mode of avoidance is to fiddle about on my phone – I did that a lot yesterday. As I was going through my email I spotted one of the few devotionals that I usually just end up deleting. This time though, it had a reference to Psalm 139 in the title. I opened it up and read it. I couldn’t tell you now what it said, but it made me think that reading through that psalm would be good for my soul. So that’s what I did.

Psalm 139 has always been my favorite – probably because it was the first scripture the Lord used to break into my heart some 16 years ago. It speaks of a love that is unfathomable. A God who is unshakable. Whose promises are unchangeable and not retractable. Who sees me even when I want to just hide from Him and be miserable. Oh, He’ll still let me, but really, who is able to hide from our all-knowing, ever-present, and totally sovereign Maker?


If you are unfamiliar with this psalm, or would like to read it anew, please take a moment to here.

I always seem to go back to this psalm in great times of sorrow, need, and desperation, but this time around something new was brought to light. I stand in awe each time the Holy Spirit reveals something new in a passage I’ve read more than any other. This is the section that stood out to me:

For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when yet there was none of them.

~Psalm 139: 13-16

As I read that section, I saw it in light of all creation. All people. Not just David who wrote it. Not just myself as I read it. But as all people who have ever populated this earth, those who are here now, and those who will be in the future; all who are made in the image of God. For the first time I realized that not only does my glorious God know all there is to know about me, but He also knows all there is to know about any children who will join our family, regardless if I give birth to them or someone else does.

This might sound silly to you. I mean, really, knowing that God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent is a pretty basic thing to learn. I have known this for almost all of the past 16 or so years…but to really understand it? I don’t think I will ever reach the height and breadth and depth of comprehending it this side of heaven.

All of this brought me great comfort, eventhough there were still tears shed and a feeling of brokenness inside. The Lord used His Word to restore my soul. To bring deeper understanding of Himself and His sovereignty. To bring peace beyond understanding.

There will be many more tears along this road, of that I have no doubt. But I need not fear being alone in it all, and neither do you.

Love & Blessings,


Salt & Light

Last week we had a visiting pastor preach on Matthew 5:13-16, in which Jesus says:

“You are the salt of the earth. but if the salt loses it’s saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”

I have often heard this passage referenced, but never really understood the salt part. The light makes sense, but salt? Pastor Tim did a great job explaining this to me and this past week the Lord did one better and actually showed me how we, as Christians, can be salt in this world.

As Pastor explained it, salt is a preservative and also holds a great influence over anything it touches. Salt has such a distinct taste that it is noticeable right away (especially if you mistakenly use it instead of sugar in your coffee). We are called to be the same; to help preserve and slow the decay of this world by living our lives for Jesus. And to do so in such a way that others cannot help but notice how different we are. And we are to be salt wherever we are; home, work, church, grocery store, gas station, dentist’s office, school; and also to everyone, believers and unbelievers alike. That is something I didn’t think too much about until this past weekend, when some of my friends, my Brothers & Sisters in Christ, were salt for me.

That may sound strange, so let me explain. The past few weeks have been some rough ones for me. Between being sick (which stinks doubly when you live alone), and having car problems (one after the other, after the other), and a few frozen pipes in my house, I had just had enough. Add some extra hormones in the mix and you get one really frustrated and exhausted lady. Friday night we had music practice for church. I got there first and had just gotten my car back (for the second time in a week and a half) and was still trying to figure out when someone was coming to unfreeze the drain pipe of my bath tub (which was half full of water from the day before). I was done. No more. I knew God would not give me more than I could handle, but I wasn’t handling this all very well. Of course that is when some Brothers came in. Clearly I was distressed so when the question of, “Is everything ok?” was asked it was met with a small meltdown of all that was going on. There were hugs and reassurance as everyone else joined us and as we got into the music I was good. Afterwards one of my Sisters asked if I’d like to join them all for dinner. I had thought I would stop and get soup on my way home and mope about, as that was the mood I was in. I’m not sure I responded as I was asked again by at least one other person. I decided it was a much better option and went along. We all chatted and had a nice time and the kids ran around with shouts of laughter.

What has any of that have to do with salt, you ask? Later I realized that these Brothers and Sisters of mine were acting as salt for me. For my spirit. For my heart. For my mind. I was so ready to go home; probably end up watching some horrible romantic comedy that would push me over the edge and end with me in tears longing for my own Hollywood ending (which can sometimes happen when my brain isn’t thinking properly and hormones are involved). But they stepped in. Whether they were aware of their impact, or not, they helped preserve my heart and my emotional state. The love they showed kept me from sinking further down.

Jesus also says we are to be light. Pastor Tim also did a great job explaining this. Most of it is understandable on its own. We, as Christians, are to visibly live our lives for Jesus so people can see us brightly, so that darkness is exposed in our presence. Light is another great influence as when it appears, no matter how dimly, it casts out some of the darkness and changes everything. We are not the source of the light, though, that is Jesus. He is the Light; we are His reflectors. We reflect Him and represent His presence here on the earth. We can do that many ways, but one of the most noticeable and quite astounding, is by loving.

This love, though, is not just a feeling. It’s not just something we do when we like a person. It has nothing at all to do with emotions toward anyone. It all has to do with a choice. This is agape love. Unconditional love. Sacrificial love. A love rooted down so deep, a decision made unwaveringly, that no matter what happens, this love remains. It is the love that lead Jesus to not only come to earth, but also to go to the cross to give up His life for us, that we might join Him and the Father in heaven. He, of course, is the perfect example of agape love; He gave the ultimate sacrifice. We are not often called to lay down our lives for another, but there are so many ways we can reflect the light of Jesus through the love He gives us.

I also experienced that these past few weeks. As I mentioned, I had been sick and my car had to get some work done. I was without my car for one week and then a few days more just a couple day after I got it back. Other friends, other Brothers and Sisters, were willing to get me things I needed when I was sick and drive me to and from work (even when it meant one got to work earlier than usual). They chose to love me in a way that they didn’t have to, but they did. And in doing so they reflected the love of Christ, and it is to Him I give thanks and glory.

I may be living on my own right now, but these past few weeks God has shown me (to a great extent) how very un-alone I am. Thank you, Brothers and Sisters, for doing so well what we all have been commanded to do. Thank You, Father, for blessing me with this awesome Family. Without You, and without them, I would be living a very sad single life indeed.

May you be granted the opportunity to be both salt and light today. And as you reflect His goodness and love may others praise our Father in heaven.

Love & Blessings,