As of late I have felt the need to just stop and listen stronger than I have in a while. It might have something to do with the fact that I don’t do it as often as I should. This past week I have been reminded over and over again to just:
Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10
It’s hard to do when so many things of this world are vying for attention. But, as I found out the hard way, it’s even worse when you don’t take that time. I was reminded as well this week that God has given us the most perfect gift of salvation and everlasting life through the death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ, and if we have that, what else do we really need? The wanting of a family of my own jumps right in my mind when that question was asked of me. I know at the beginning of all of this I said I am living where God has me, knowing that His plans are good and I am trusting and waiting on His timing…this is no less true now, but it is something I struggle with. With the thought of a potential relationship on my mind, my heart ached to know if I was right to pursue it; if it was His will, or just my own. I spent time that night asking for a clear answer and listening for His still small voice. While I found peace in crying out, knowing He was listening and knowing I was not the first, the answer I was listening for eluded me.
The next day I realized I had only been listening for one answer; “Yes.” I never heard it, and so my way of thinking has changed. At the onset I believed that if I was within His will I would just continue on and if I wasn’t, doors would be closed. I don’t think that is a wrong way of thinking, but I do think it led me to feel more heartache. The absence of the “Yes” answer I was waiting on, doesn’t necessarily mean “No” though, I do believe it could mean “Not yet.” This is where my thinking has changed. As I walk this “road of singleness” I pray for my heart to be guarded. I also am staying put, until He gives me the nudge and lets me know which direction I should take.
I know it might seem pessimistic of me to assume the answer is “No” or “Not yet,” but for now this is the right path for me. I know there will be days when the heartache is strong, but my God is stronger. I know there will be days of darkness, but even the darkness is as light to my God. I am making it a point to be still more often; to listen and pray more regularly, and wait on Him. For truly, my greatest desire is to be within His will for my life. His still small voice does still speak to us, if we are diligent in reading His Word and listening. Has He spoken into your heart lately? Have you been listening?
Love & Blessings,